Anything for You
by mr-and-mrs-bates
Summary: When Anna has doubts about an upcoming appointment with Doctor Ryder, John tries to find a way to be there for her and assuage her fears.
_**A/N This was meant to be a birthday gift for Jamesluver (thank-god-and-you on tumblr). I did the first part and then realized this fell into a totally separate category so kept this as a one shot. Thanks to drstacib, angel-princess-anna, and a-lady-to-me for proofing this for me and giving feedback. I hope you all enjoy. Please review.**_

There was a time when he thought she'd never smile. Times when he had wondered if he would ever see the corners of her lips reach her eyes as they had the evening he proposed, or her eyes glisten with happy tears as they had when they first spoke of children and a hotel by the sea. He dreaded the thought of her voice never choking up with pure joy as it had when they said their wedding vows to one another. They had overcome so many hurdles. Some of them separately before they knew of one another's existence, and some together even when the world threatened to tear them apart. But there had always been that hope that there was so much more waiting for them out there.

He had all but given up before reaching Downton on the milk train that first time. Having resigned himself to a life of solitude. And if all he ever did was serve his Lordship with a roof over his head and food in his belly it would be enough for him. He didn't need much. John had gone without for so long he forgot what it was like to have someone love him back aside from his mother. Little did he know there was so much more waiting for him after he pushed in on that door to the servant's hall. How could he have known that the sweet voice that mingled with two other women as it travelled down the servants corridors would be the one of his future wife?

Yet here they were, a little over twelve years later, and on the verge of having their first child. Those early days seemed so long ago, but still so fresh in his mind. They had been filled with so many stolen glances and chaste touches; some in the privacy of the bedrooms at Downton, others in their courtyard, but most beneath the table of the servants hall. John hadn't thought it possible for him to be anymore in love with his wife than he already was. And somehow, the knowledge that she was full with child, a baby created out of love (and after so many obstacles), only made him fall more deeply in love with her. John found himself staring at her body even more now than he ever had before. He was utterly fascinated with the idea that her body was making way for a new life and relished every little change that came with that. At home he was mesmerized from his spot on the bed as he watched her perform her evening ritual and change into her pajamas. Sometimes he'd even try to find some excuse to walk into the bathroom while she was bathing, if only to catch a glimpse of her naked form. She'd call him a "silly beggar", but it didn't deter him, and he suspected she wouldn't want it any other way judging by the smile on her face.

In the privacy of their cottage, shrouded in darkness, they'd come together like old lovers almost nightly. It was their sanctuary and knowing that they would soon be sharing that space with their baby only made it more sacred. John would take advantage of the time to touch her as he pleased for as long as he wanted as they were seldom restricted from so much as holding hands at the big house. It only made him cherish her more and the same could be said of Anna's feelings for him.

"You look lovely you know," he complimented into the crook of her neck as she dressed for work. His words were soft and spoken out of love, but somehow they scalded her. His lips grazed the hollow of her skin, just beneath her collarbone and left goosebumps in their wake.

"I look drab," she concluded.

John chuckled into her ear.

"Black does nothing for me, other than accentuate my pale complexion. My stomach is starting to protrude now," she grumbled. Considering all they had gone through to conceive, she did her best not to complain. "Soon no matter how much I let out my lady's maid uniform, everyone will know of my condition."

"Would that really be so bad?" John asked with a smile. His hands snaked around her waist and rested over the tiny bump that was their baby.

"Well…" she stopped to check his reflection in the mirror. "I rather hoped we could keep it our secret a little longer. What if… What if something happens before…"

John was quick to cut her off, "Bad harvest, bad harvest."

They shared a smile between them as their eyes met in the mirror.

"I think things are finally looking up for us my darling," his hand cupped the small swell of her abdomen. "Our baby is going to be just fine, you'll see." Normally he wouldn't have made such bold statements, but there was no denying that Anna had made it further into this pregnancy than any other. She was starting to show, and they do say that seeing is believing. There was also a part of him that was ready to be optimistic; part of him that thought it he could be hopeful than Anna could allow herself to be as well. Stressing that this pregnancy could be over at any minute wouldn't do her or the baby any favors. If this was the only thing John could help with during her time of need, then he would be the most positive, doting husband ever.

Her eyes filled with unshed tears, considering herself so lucky to finally be with child and to be having it with the man standing behind her. A man whose love and support had been unwavering. "I want so badly to believe it John," she whispered.

"Then believe," he replied.

Anna managed a smile for her wonderful husband.

"If you want I could come with you...to the doctor's that is," he offered. "I'm sure Lord Grantham would understand if I told him."

"No," she said with a look of horror etched on her face. "I'm not ready for anyone to know just yet. I don't even like it that Lady Mary knows."

"But she helped with the doctor," John said sounding a tad confused.

"Yes, but it's one more person who will get their hopes up and I can't bare to let them down, especially you," she admitted.

"You could never let me down," John insisted. He thought back on all the times she had been the only one to believe in him, the only one to fight in his corner. No one had ever cared more for him than Anna. Even when she had been attacked by the valet (whose name didn't warrant mentioning) Anna had put John first. She had worried that he would go to jail in an effort to bring justice to her assailant.

"Even still, it's not just a quick trip to the village. We are going to London, the only way you could manage that without raising suspicion is if Lord Grantham went as well."

"Anna, for once let us not put our employers first. If you want me to be there I will find a way to be there," he argued back in an even tone.

"It's not as if you can go in the room with me," she responded.

Not for the first time John paused as he wondered how hard it must have been for Anna to ever go into a room with another man again other than himself, considering everything she had endured. He tried to push the thought from his mind. "Well no, but I'll find a way to go all the same. I want to be there for you. And you never know, they might let me go with you if you were to request it."

Anna didn't look convinced, but his offer meant more than he would ever know. Still it wouldn't look good for both of them to ask for time off right now. "I couldn't ask that of you...besides it's just a check up. I wouldn't want you going out of your way for something like that."

"Something like that?" he asked somewhat offended. "You mean for my wife and child? I wouldn't consider it going out of my way."

He could be so endearing without realizing it. "How would you get Lord Grantham to go along with it without mentioning my condition?"

"You let me handle that. Unless you don't want me to go…" He waited patiently for her to argue the matter and insist that he come.

"If you can manage it, I would love for you to come," she admitted.

"I can manage," he replied with a wink. "Now we best be off. Are you both ready?"

Anna let herself smile at his question. The fact that he was already acknowledging the presence of their child warmed her heart to no end. She only wished she could allow herself to enjoy this pregnancy more without fear that it would come to a crashing halt at any minute. She pressed a hand to her belly, hoping to quell her nerves and had to hope that John was right. Perhaps if she just had some sort of sign that the life inside of her was thriving, Anna could begin to relax. She still had yet to feel their child move and the more time that passed without any indication or sign of movement the more anxious she became. Putting on a brave face, Anna gave herself one last look in the mirror before heading downstairs to join her husband and make their way up to the big house.

* * *

They were sat in a separate car following close behind the Crawley family. Lord and Lady Grantham had decided to join Lady Mary in her travel to London. It was a last minute decision that Anna was sure had something to do with her husband's intervention on the matter. "I don't know how you managed it," she marvelled to him in a low voice. After all they weren't alone. Mrs. Baxter was sat in the front seat with the driver of the car.

"A magician never reveals his secrets," John commented. He let his hand clasp hers and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Well...whatever it was, I'm ever so grateful," she said with a content sigh.

For the first time in weeks he saw the worries of the world drain from her face. A trip away from the big house with her loving husband might be just what the doctor ordered. "As I have told you before, you have put up with so much that I couldn't change. So if there is ever the slightest thing I can make better for you then I will." She was beaming back at him. John let his hand rest on her belly for a moment, his fingers tenderly stroking the thin fabric of her lady's maid outfit. "You're not to worry anymore my darling."

* * *

Later that evening, in the attics of the Crawley London home, Anna made her way from the restroom to the room she and John had been assigned. She knocked lightly on the door to make sure he was decent before she opened it. It wasn't as if she'd never seen her husband in a state of undress, but Anna did want to expose him to anyone else that might be passing by at that very moment. Anna smiled to herself when she heard his soft voice come through the other side of the door. "Come in."

She pushed gently on the door and found John already clad in his blue and white striped pajamas. It was an old, faded pair that she had mended many times before, but despite her pleas for him to buy a new one he insisted these worked just as well. Her husband had already maneuvered the furniture in the room so that the two single beds were pushed together. Anna closed the door behind her and a look of mirth crossed her face as she continued to observe her husband. John was placing the finishing touches by folding back the blankets and fluffing the pillows. It was the least he could do since Lady Mary often kept her longer when it was time to get ready for bed. He gave her a wink and patted the bed for her to join him.

A small giggle escaped her mouth. "I half expected you to be snuggled up in your blankets with a book in hand, looking like a pasha."

"Well, I do rather like where your head is, but I would prefer to have you nestled against my side."

Her cheeks turned a shade of pink. Even after all these years of marriage she still hadn't fully come to terms with the idea that this handsome man, a gentleman in every sense of the words, was hers, and hers alone. When he said such things she felt as though she had to pinch herself in order to ensure it was real and she wasn't living in some dream. She was enamoured as her husband slid into bed, pulling back the covers to make room for her, and patting the mattress on the empty space that occupied his side. "How could I reject such an invitation like that?" she asked in a playful tone.

The two of them shared a smile that was reminiscent of their times as newlyweds. It was a rare occasion that they travelled together with their respective masters and were still afforded the luxury of sharing a room. It almost felt scandalous now to do such a thing. How many times had they stayed in this very house over the years prior to being married? How many times had they been separated by more than just their beds and walls, but their feelings for one another never drifting far away? He never could have guessed all those years ago that one day Anna would return his feelings or that she would eventually become his wife, and future mother of their child. If only his mother could see him now. She would have been so proud of the man he had become, and surely his mother would have adored Anna. Sometimes without even realizing it his wife would do something that would remind him of her sweet nature and John could only imagine how the two of them would have gotten on. As he prepared himself for yet another night of sleeping beside his gorgeous wife and their unborn child, John could barely contain his excitement.

His eyes swept over her figure as she undressed. He held his breath in silent anticipation every time; Anna was still just as beautiful to him now as she was the day they met over ten years ago. Time had been good to her. Him not so much, but he was sixteen years ahead of her. He was starting to show hints of grey at his temples and he was a bit doughy in the middle. Though he couldn't do much to change that considering the injury to his leg. As a young lad he'd always been more than fit. Despite his wife constantly assuring him she loved him just as he was, John couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt that she hadn't married someone younger and more able. Much as it would destroy him to see her with someone else. He had only ever wanted her to be happy.

And then as if reading his thoughts she spoke up, "What has got those wheels turning, Mr. Bates?"

"Who says they are?"

"I know that look. You're brooding. Would this be worrying over yourself, me, or something else?"

"Just self deprecation. Nothing to bother you with."

She let out an exasperated sigh, "If I was ever given the chance to change one thing about you it would be for you to see yourself the way I do." His eyes shimmered at her words, but she couldn't be sure if it was unshed tears or not. "You really must stop being so hard on yourself it doesn't suit me, and I can guarantee our child will have none of it either."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I imagine that our son or daughter will take after the both of us. Which means he or she will be headstrong in their convictions, will see the best in others, and love you and I just as madly as we love them. You'll be a hero in our child's eyes no matter what you do John. All you have to do is love them."

His long moment of silence was all the indication Anna needed that John was out of arguments

As she slipped into her nightgown and began to plait her hair she heard her husband's breath hitch and paused to see what had evoked such a response.

"What's the matter?" Anna asked as her husband stared at her with wide eyes.

"When did that happen?"

She looked down at her waist and saw that without her realizing it their baby had become more than barely visible in the past twenty four hours. Without a doubt there was a very prominent bump that would not be easily hidden when they returned to Downton. Through the fabric of her nightgown Anna let her hands caress her tiny swell, allowing herself to enjoy this new development for her body and their baby. "It must have happened sometime this afternoon," she said proudly.

"Does this mean we can start telling people when we get back?" he asked excitedly.

The look of hesitation returned to her face. It would seem like tempting fate to make such a public declaration.

"We could even start looking at hotels... or at the very least we can begin decorating the spare room," he continued to suggest.

Before he could say anything more she interrupted him,"I haven't even felt the baby move yet."

Without Anna saying the exact words, John already understood her meaning. He held his arms open and she willing moved to lean against him. "It's still early," he said in a feeble attempt to cheer her up. John was no doctor, but he suspected there was a chance that Anna didn't recognize the movements of their baby yet. "We can check with Doctor Ryder tomorrow and I'm sure he'll be able to put your mind at ease." He placed a kiss on her forehead and brushed a loose strand of hair behind her shoulder. His free hand resting on the place where their baby was steadily growing. John prayed he was correct in his assumption.

"Would you like me to read to you?" he offered.

"That would be lovely," she answered back. Anna tilted her head back enough to kiss him fully and hummed appreciatively as she burrowed her head against his chest.

* * *

Anna had barely been able to stomach breakfast the next morning. He wasn't sure if that was a sign of her morning sickness still rearing its ugly head or if it was nerves. Hopefully it was nothing worse. His sympathies lay with her as he brought her a cup of tea and some biscuits to nibble on. "I wish there was something more I could do for you," he muttered.

She gladly took the cup of tea, but set the small plate of biscuits aside. "It will pass. I just need to drink some of this. My nerves aren't helping matters."

John wished she'd at least try to eat it, but he wasn't about to force her. Truth be told, he was nervous too and had only managed to eat a few bites of his toast. But he wasn't about to voice his concerns to Anna and make her worry more. Instead he took a seat beside her and kissed the back of her hand. "Perhaps we can try again after your appointment."

She nodded her head in agreement. "I'll be able to relax more once we get a clean bill of health from the doctor."

"We should get going. The sooner we get there the sooner we can put your worries to rest."

"Our worries," she corrected. "Don't think I didn't notice that half eaten piece of toast in the trash downstairs."

He chuckled lightly. "Yes, I suspect we'll both be hungry following your appointment."

"Thank you again. For arranging this. I know you won't be able to come in with me there, but it's nice to know you'll be just outside the door."

"Anything for you, my darling."

* * *

John was pacing back and forth in the waiting area of Doctor Ryder's office. Anna had held onto his hand tightly the entire walk over and only let go-albeit with a bit of reluctance-when her name had been called by the nurse at the front desk. Anna put on a brave face as she left him standing there, whether it was for his sake or hers he couldn't be sure. He went to a corner by a window to get some privacy. As he stared out at the London landscape, but found little enjoyment in the sight of the city. His thoughts were with Anna. Always with her. And now they were with their baby as well. Before he knew what he was doing, John began to pray. It had been many years since he had done it properly, but he still remembered how to do it.

John bowed his head and closed his eyes. He lowered his voice to a whisper, "Dear Lord, please watch over them. Let them be well. I know I haven't spoken to You in some time... and maybe I'm not deserving of Your attention right now. I swear I'll never ask for anything else as long as I live. Amen."

It couldn't have been more than fifteen minutes before she returned (as far as he was concerned it felt like hours). Uncertainty had already begun to fester as the hand on the clock ticked by at a painfully slow rate. And then for the third time he raised his head like a loyal hound at the sound of the door handle clicking. This time he was rewarded with the sight of his wife entering the room.

She paused in the doorway, her hand instinctively resting over her abdomen. His eyes searched hers for some indication of how the appointment went. There were tears in her eyes, but the second the twitch at the corner of her mouth turned into a smile he knew they were happy tears. It took every last bit of willpower not to run into his arms, but her pace was rushed. He knew she was overjoyed, but she wanted to give him some kind of confirmation that happy days were here to stay.

John gladly accepted the weight of her as she wrapped her arms around his middle. "Everything is…"

"Mhmmm…fine," she agreed eagerly.

"And there's no…"

"No complications whatsoever," Anna said finishing his sentence.

John let his hand cover Annas. A bold move to do in public, but they were married and given everything they had been through her wasn't about to let others dictate how he act around his wife after hearing good news. "What did the doctor say?"

"He said the baby is growing big and round," she had to suppress a giggle. "He says the heartbeat is strong, John. Stronger than he's ever heard."

"Really?"

"Really."

"That's tremendous news."

"It is," she agreed wholeheartedly.

"Shall we eat now then?" he asked, feeling lighter than air.

"Yes. Please. I'm famished." She responded by looping her arm through his, allowing John to escort her out of the doctor's office.

* * *

The two of them were sprawled out in their bed (or beds rather), basking in the afterglow of their love making. It had taken some convincing on Anna's part, but it wasn't for lack of want from John. On the contrary, he had missed their closeness terribly. His reluctance came from the fact that they hadn't been intimate since discovering Anna was with child and the cerclage put in place a month before. Even with the reassurance from the doctor that they could resume their marital activities, John couldn't bare it if his selfish desires to be with his wife caused Anna to lose the baby or hurt their child. After a bit of persuasion and some fumbling to determine what position would work best so John wouldn't be fraught with worry over harming their child, they were able to let go of their inhibitions and reunite in the best possible way.

"I didn't hurt you did I?" he asked shortly after when Anna fell into a quiet trance.

"Not at all." She wanted to laugh. Her husband had always been a tender lover, sure there were times when their passion took on new heights and they tested the limits of the furniture in the cottage. But John had never done anything to push her or make her feel uncomfortable. "I feel better than ever," she admitted freely. "I've missed that. Not being able to connect with you in that way was torture."

John laughed softly. "Well that's music to my ears. And the baby...it's fine?"

"Perfectly."

"Good." John kissed her lips fully as his hand traced the curve of her belly.

"Are you really still not going to tell me how you managed to get Lord Grantham to come along?" she asked, almost begging.

John rolled his eyes, knowing his wife wouldn't give up her pursuit as to how he'd pulled it off. "I spoke with Lady Mary, I told her it was paramount that I be with you on this trip, but that you didn't want anyone to know of your condition still. She told me I didn't need to say anything more on the matter and that she would take care of it."

"You didn't."

"I did. It wasn't exactly a lie. You needed me to go and I wasn't about to let you face that head on without me."

"So what reason did she come up with?"

"She told Lord Grantham that they needed to look into some new equipment for the pig farm and then suggested they could stop in to visit Edith on the way back to ensure they had to stay at least one night. It just so happens we lucked out and Mr. Talbot came knocking wanting to go out to dinner this evening, allowing us one more night to ourselves uninterrupted."

"You certainly know how to think quickly on your feet," she complimented. The tip of her finger drew lazy circles in the thick, dark hair that covered his chest liberally.

"Well I can't take all the credit, Lady Mary handled most of it. I just helped her to convince Lord Grantham to stay an extra day."

"I'll have to thank Lady Mary the next time I get a chance."

"Oh no, she said you have done more than enough. Your only job now is to follow doctor's orders so that our baby can arrive happy and healthy." His thumb stroked the patch of skin just below her navel, before coming to an abrupt halt. John's palm froze in place and then raised slightly not quite certain if what he felt was what he believed it to be. "Was that...I mean did you feel that too?"

Given the way Anna's face stared back at him, understanding and recognition settling in, he knew what her answer was. Immediately, her hand flew to a spot just an inch over from where John's had been resting, as she pinpointed the location where their baby was beginning to move. Her free hand grabbed his and brought it over to the spot so they could share in their first moment of communication with their unborn child. "John, that's our baby. I can feel our baby," Anna said as she bit on her lower lip. A small tear slid from the corner of her eyes.

"Me too," he said in a soft voice. "I love you so much my darling."

"I love you too," Anna replied as she brushed the lock of hair that hung over his eyes out of the way.

"Hello, Baby Bates," John greeted before pressing his lips to the area where their hands had been intertwined. He did not think it possible to love something or someone that he had never met before, yet here they were, both completely enamored with their child. Parenthood already taking hold of them and silent plans being made as an image of the future began to permeate in their minds. Of all the stolen kisses and secret touches he had ever shared with Anna, be it in the comfort of their cottage or between tasks at the abbey none had been quite as intimate or as cherished as the one they were experiencing now.


End file.
